I was born in 1981 and raised in a Dutch, conservative Christian family. My mother became terribly ill after I was born, and we had to be separated for some time as a result. Not having that bonding experience with my mother is probably one of the reasons why I have tried finding love in so many places, for so long. I have always been the kind of person who likes making others happy, and this unfortunately, led me to making the wrong kinds of people happy. It is a miracle that I am still alive and able to write this story down.

I became interested in Hip Hop culture in the late 80’s and early 90’s. I felt at home and made lots of friends in the local scene. It was then I
discovered that I had a talent for writing lyrics and rap at a young
age. I got noticed quickly and was invited to perform in live shows on a national level.

Around that time, I started a relationship with one of my friends and became pregnant with our first child. Not long into the relationship, my boyfriend became extremely jealous and possessive and was terrified that someone else would take me away from him. It was such a big problem, that he would not let me go out to see my friends or even work on my Hip Hop career. I wanted to make him happy, so I decided to give up my Hip Hop career for the sake of our relationship. I thought this would make things better, but in fact, the situation got worse, with him abusing me emotionally and physically. He beat me on a regular basis. In the meantime, the authorities discovered he had a record in his country of origin, and had come into the Netherlands using a false passport. So, he was sent back to where he came from. I became a single mother for a while.

Eventually, I started a new relationship with a nice guy I met. Everything went well for the first couple of years. He was a nice boyfriend and step-father for my 2 children. However, all that changed when he started drinking alcohol and using drugs. He became so aggressive, that I decided to end the relationship in order to protect myself and my children from any further trouble. He started threatening me very seriously, so I called the police about it, but they said they could not help me as I did not have enough proof against him. I tried to make them understand how serious it was, but they said they could not do anything without proof.

Six months later, he suddenly appeared in my kitchen late at night. He had broken into my house and started beating me in the kitchen with a 10kg bag of rice. He grabbed a big kitchen knife and ordered me to go upstairs, undress, and sit on a chair in my bedroom. When upstairs, he rolled down the blinds in the windows, and ripped out the telephone cables from the wall. I was now naked sitting on a chair, heavily pregnant with his child, and powerless to protect my other two children, who were sleeping in their rooms down the hall.

He seemed psychotic, walking back and forth in the bedroom, talking to himself out aloud. The knife was still in his hand, waiving it around, as he continuously punched me in the face. I wanted to jump out the window and scream for help, but I could not. This went on for hours, and I even peed myself, as I sat in my own blood. I knew I was going to die there, so I cried out to God for help. I had been raised to believe in God, but He always felt very far away.

My drive to live left me, and I simply said, “God, here I am. Just come and take me. I cannot do this anymore. Please forgive me for all my sins, and forgive this man for what he is doing to me because it’s not him doing it”. I cannot explain it, but right away I saw a Light above the cabinet and I felt a Presence. I was shocked and thought “Huh...God really does exist!” and immediately said; “Thank you, Father, that You are here and have come to take me home with you”. I just wanted to go “home”.

I then began thinking about my children, my unborn child, who I was not sure was alive anymore, and my other two children. They meant everything to me, they were my life, and I knew they could not live without me. I prayed one more time to that Presence and said; “Father, thank You for taking me home, but please let me first say goodbye to my children, who are sleeping in their beds”. Then, I heard a voice, saying; “My daughter, my daughter, I didn’t come here to take you home, I came here to save you”. I was so shocked to know that God really exists! The shock of it, had me laughing out loud while bursting into tears at the same time.

He then looked at me, took a step closer, and asked; “Why are you laughing? WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?” he screamed. Then he spoke in English, saying; “You, see? This girl is crazy! This girl is crazy! I have to kill her! I have to kill her!” He asked me once again; “Why are you laughing?!” I answered; “He is here!” He replied; “Who is? You didn’t pray, did you?!”

As he lifted his arm, in order to stab me, his arm froze, and he couldn’t move it. Since I was covered in my own blood and urine, he then put me in the shower to clean off. I felt the ordeal wasn’t over yet, and therefore prayed once more and said; “Thank You, Father, for saving me. Please, will You open his eyes so he can see what he’s done to me. Please, Father, wake him up!” As I said; “Amen!”, he came back into the bathroom, holding the knife. Suddenly he stops in his track, looks at me, and sees my pregnant belly, carrying his child. He immediately drops the knife and says; “Oh my God, what have I done? What have I done?” I knew right away, and said; “It’s over!”

When the school bus came that morning to pick up the children, I managed to escape the house with my children. I saw a police car next to the school bus and ran to them in my nightgown, covered in blood, with a swollen and broken face. I asked them; “Is this enough proof for you?!” The Police caught my ex-boyfriend and sent him to prison for attempted homicide, for a year and a half. I also got a restraining order against him.

due to the ordeal, I suffered from brain damage, and short-term memory loss, bone splinter fractures in my face, my arm, and my nose. I was deaf for a while, from a perforated eardrum, and I am partially-blind in my right eye.

Since then, I wake up 2, 3 or 4 times a night, to see if my children are safely sleeping in their beds. I am doing so much better these days, as I trust in the Lord. Doctors and physical therapists say it is a miracle that I have managed to take care of my children for the last 12 years on my own.

I have written a book and got back into my music. My life has changed dramatically, thanks to the Man above. If I had not prayed to Him that night, I am perfectly sure I would not be alive anymore. I give speeches, by sharing my testimony with others, in hope of showing people that God really exists. If He can work in my life like he has then He can surely work in your life too!